There are many misconceptions surrounding female sexuality. It’s no different for men. One of the main areas of their irrational fears is the involvement of sexual aids! For some mysterious reason, they feel that using vibrators is a threat to themselves.
Misconceptions are expressed – or they just exist in their heads to feed their anxieties – such as: “If it’s necessary, it means the end of the relationship” or “Anyone who uses a sex toy is a pervert”. But what is most terrifying: “If I’m not the one who triggers the woman’s orgasm, then I’m not a man.”
These – to use a professional term – cognitive distortions have a detrimental effect on the soul of men and women, their self-confidence, their sexual fulfillment and the dynamics of the relationship. Insecurity and loneliness can accompany not initiating an honest conversation with our partner about our doubts and fears. And indeed, this is also the responsibility of men! Believe it or not, men also have not only macho desires and erotic fantasies! Oh, no! Often, it is precisely on their side that the initiative is lacking to discuss with their partner: who has what is best for them. Or it is precisely the lack of acceptance: their partner expresses what kind of togetherness they desire, but men become dismissive due to their anxieties and beliefs.
But the key to a satisfying sex life is communication. And information. For example, did you know that more than half of women have used a sex toy at least once in their lives? And those who have used one have reported that they have an easier time reaching the level of sexual arousal they want and are more likely to have an orgasm with their partner. Another study found that men who have used a vibrator to stimulate their partner (45% of participants, I’m telling you!) reported better erections compared to those who didn’t involve a toy in stimulating their partner.
Sharing vibrators allows you to more easily explore your erogenous zones and give your man more guidance on what is pleasurable for you. If you, as a man, receive a vibrator from your partner so that you can explore the sensitive areas of his body with this stimulation, you can also increase the intimacy and bond between you. After all, this openness and liberation requires a lot of trust.
It’s worth remembering: a vibrator is just a tool. The man is the object of love, his being sexually arousing the other, using a vibrator does not take anything away from the pleasure of sex with him. A vibrator is just a spice that you can add occasionally.
Katalin Katona
sexual psychologist
one of the founders of the Dámia Sexual Therapy Center