The sextoy spice: stimulates the imagination, relieves monotony
Even today, most people blush when they hear the word vibrators and sex toys. All this in a world where everything is oversexualized, imbued with eroticism and where in 2018, in the USA alone, the value of the sex toy market was estimated at almost 27 billion dollars. Oh, and where every second person answered yes to the question of whether they regularly used such a device.
Why do many women avoid using aids? And what is wrong with men using vibrators? Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions, shameful and stupid prejudices surrounding female sexuality. For example: “If a woman wants sex, and even enjoys it, she’s a slut.” “If a woman’s desire is greater than a man’s, she’s sick.” But if she rejects various alternative sexual acts, she’s frigid. It’s not easier for men either, they often build up irrational fears about the possibility of using an aid. The list of their false beliefs is endless. For example, “you only need an aid when the relationship is dying.” Or: “people who use toys are perverted.” But they may also feel that the device is a threat to themselves, saying that if they don’t trigger a woman’s orgasm, they’re no longer men!
Well, these malicious, malicious thoughts then lead to silence, fear, and uncertainty. Unfortunately, in a surprisingly large number of emotional relationships, couples fail to discuss who, when, where, and how sex is best for them. Yet the secret to satisfying sexual encounters is communication.
Okay, but how do we do this now?
As a first step, let’s initiate a conversation about our desires and fantasies under appropriate circumstances. Let this be the platform where our curiosity, doubts, and fears find understanding and listening ears. If communication has started, but we still feel timid, it is worth choosing together from the offerings of online sex shops. At this time, desires and fantasies can also be discussed and we can discuss this in a truly intimate environment, safely. Then, if our curiosity and courage win out, we can visit a sex shop in person. In the physical reality of the offerings, we can also discuss who has what preferences, who would like to try what. And it is also okay if the process slows down here and we just taste the alternatives for a while. Then, if we decide together to use an aid, it can open up a wide repertoire of games. We can keep control with ourselves or let our partner take over. We can rely on each other, we can enjoy being able to relax.
If we use it alone, then there is an opportunity for longer, more in-depth experimentation: what works, how is it best? Don’t worry, there is no straight path to getting used to it. If our relationship provides emotional security, if there is still intimacy between the partners, if the goal is not to “replace” or humiliate the other, but to experience joint pleasure, then sex toys can serve as a great
supplement and, by the way, not as a “replacement toy”.
The mind needs novelty. And sex toys make sex diverse and fun.
Katalin Katona
sexual psychologist
one of the founders of the Dámia Sexual Therapy Center