We don’t really know what determines sexual desire. Of course, hormones… and all sorts of psychological, social, environmental, etc. circumstances. In fact, we don’t even know how to measure it exactly. What do we measure a lot and a little against? Age? Would you have thought that it’s not women in their twenties who think about sex the most? Of course: women between the ages of 27 and 45 fantasize more often and get into bed with their partners sooner than their younger and older counterparts. But in addition to age and hormones, such prosaic reasons as stress, excess weight, smoking, certain diseases, and medications can also reduce libido. Perhaps not surprisingly: the most common cause of low sexual desire is a deterioration in the quality of the relationship.
Can it be the other way around? Is it possible for a woman to have too high a sexual desire? And what if it is? Actually, we can say the same thing about this as we can about low desire: it is a problem if it causes problems in the individual’s life or relationship. If it is accompanied by shame, guilt, helplessness, anxiety. It doesn’t help that if a woman is found to be too sexually active by her environment, she is labeled as a slut or a nymphomaniac, which are quite negative adjectives.
If you’re thinking about something like this, remember: what level of libido is considered “normal” is completely individual and relationship-dependent. Whether you feel your libido is too high or too low, the first thing to do is to communicate openly with your partner about it. And if you’re stuck on the topic, don’t hesitate to see a sexual psychologist.
Katalin Katona
sexual psychologist
one of the founders of the Dámia Sexual Therapy Center